Flavour of the day

Susan Boyle and Simon Cowell - Meant to be

Susan Boyle is an enigma in reality TV circles these days. The 47 year old Scottish woman has touched millions of hearts with her unkempt hair, her puppy dog face and her blanked expressions. The lady is an overnight superstar with more searches and hits than Britney Spears at the present moment, which brings me to the worrying realisation that what if it’s all a gimmick? What if under her loose clothes and even looser skin, lurks a diva just biding her time before the finale erupts on unsuspecting Britain. Considering the fact that she is the most popular thing in Britain at the moment, what would you say is stopping her grabbing a comb, throwing out her grandma pants and unleashing the ‘diva’ within? Well it is the dark lord, alright. The dark side of Simon Cowell is much darker than we thought. His ‘cruel remarks’ on reality television is an art in itself but with Susan Boyle, he has taken the game to a whole new level.

He says Britain’s got Talent. I say they got talent alright. It takes a lot of effort to reassure audiences initially that Susan Boyle got through the first few rounds as she could sing well. Well, my cat can sing well too but it never leaves the house without brushing its hair. What reality television demands are lookers and by god, Susan Boyle is precious in these times. She is Simon’s hidden weapon which disarms viewers from their personal insecurities of the contestants looking better than them and then takes the same viewers to a whole new level filled with pity, sympathy and admiration. Simon Cowell has endured Paula Abdul long enough to know that ‘Make-up’ is not the answer to everything. He has gone for the ugly duckling instead.

Media is filled with reports of “The Woman Who Shut Up Simon Cowell.” She is the new face of hope. Susan Boyle is the ray of light that has banished the ‘Dark Lord’ from his lair. I say give me a break and a big one at that ’cause while everyone seems to be falling head over heels on Simon’s masterpiece, I wonder how many of us can actually see the light?

This is what is happening ( or could have happened for all those who are going to come back to this page when I’d be saying” I told you so”). Susan Boyle is not what she seems. Susan Boyle is youngest of nine and I’m scared to think what the other eight look like. She has a ten year cat Pebbles that probably gets a spanking every time it tries to fix Susan’s hair. It’s not the cat’s fault. They like owners with combs and Pebbles hasn’t seen one on Susan since she got used to the fact that Simon visits more now than ever before.
She say’s she’s never had a boyfriend. I say not till she met someone like Simon. She say’s she’s never been kissed. I say once she wins this thing, we’ll have her singing “I kissed a girl” live with Katie Perry. They say she is the most talented woman on TV today. I’d say if you look closely through that lovely set of hair and you’ll see Paul Potts beaming at his second coming.

Simon Cowell has created an enigma which he knows very well how to market. He’s got talent. Britain’s got Susan Boyle. Everyone’s got fooled. She is a dream come true but only for the producers who are laughing all the way to the bank, right as we speak. Media suggests Simon Cowell showed his softer side after Susan’s performance. I say he was just falling in love with the woman who’s giving him what none could give before. Sky rocketing TRP’s.

When this show gets over, everyone would be glad Susan won. Simon Cowell might be the richest in UK, maybe after the Queen. Susan would get a long-due make-over and transform herself into another Paula Abdul (well she’s been kept away from the mirror too long, I think she deserves it). Simon would then be heart-broken at what could have been. Susan would become a multi-millionaire pop star. The viewer’s would be shocked. The world would be in a tizzy at all that’s happening around them. All that would be left are me and Pebbles shaking our heads. If only you had taken Pebbles more seriously. I did.